Mary: “I’m standing for myself, despite of a lot of barriers”

Mary Jay Javier (36) migrated to Croatia around seven years ago from the Philippines. Her aunt asked if she would like to become a housekeeper in Croatia, and Mary agreed. She wanted to experience something new in her life.

She becomes emotionally moved when I ask about her journey to Europe and grabs a tissue.

Mary seems open about showing how she feels. “Filipinos are very emotional”, she says, and continues to tell how living abroad has changed her.

“I’m so proud that it molds me to this person who I am now.” The Filipino woman feels empowered by living independently in a new country with no family around her. Her large family back in the Philippines brings her a lot of happiness. Love for the family stays, despite the distance. “It has even grown more now that I am far from them.”

Mary got engaged recently. Before the relationship, the couple were friends for many years. They started dating last year. Newly engaged fiancé describes her partner as reliable and a source of her happiness.

“But I don’t let my happiness revolve around him”, she adds.

It’s okay to seek help

I met Mary at the premises of ROSA (the Center for Women War Victims), which is an organization that supports women who are victims of war and other patriarchal forms of violence. That’s where Mary found support after her third case of sexual harassment. Blaming herself repeatedly and asking about the reasons it happened, she decided to look for support from an expert because of the need to talk to someone real. It wasn’t enough to just look information online. After contacting ROSA, the organisation arranged her a lawyer and psychologist. Talking with a psychologist has been important for understanding the experiences.

She lives a normal life nowadays, but speculates that it might not be the case if she didn’t ask for help.

Being an inspiration for other women

If her story can be an inspiration, her fight, self-determination and trauma process meant something. And, this way, she manages to survive. Others might have gone through similar experiences, and when they hear her story, they can learn about it and relate. That seems to be her main goal, nowadays, as we speak. Even if the first assault happened 5 years ago, the trials for both first and third ones are not defined, until later this May.

“I’m still fighting for that, not for myself anymore. It’s for the women who are experiencing this thing, and they will just hide it, because they think that no one can help them.”

Mary wants to show her perpetrators that it’s not okay to take advantage on women, not because they are foreigners. Even though someone’s a foreigner, doesn’t know the language and is far away from their family and country, they can still defend themselves.

“I’m standing for myself, despite of a lot of barriers.”